


Nothing But Static

by ShoshanaFics



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bonding, Canon Trans Character, Everything turns out OK, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grand Relic, Grief/Mourning, How do timelines work? How old is Lucas? Who the fuck knows. not me, Male-Female Friendship, Many POVs, Many many many TAZ spoilers!!, Meet-Cute, No Straights On The Starblaster, Non-Chronological, Science Word-Salad, Short Chapters, Shoshana starts a majorly long fic project and dies!!! hooray!!, The Philosophers Stone, hoo this should be fun, sort of.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-10-20 07:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10658172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShoshanaFics/pseuds/ShoshanaFics
Summary: Maureen reaches. Lucretia regrets. Lucas... remembers. And the IPRE spend much more than a year on earth.





	1. When It Hits You Hardest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good track to listen to while reading this one- A Candlenights Miracle! from the OST.

Lucas didn’t usually hate Candlenights. He wasn’t a fantasy-grinch or anything. Even for all his nerdy, sarcastic, workaholic nature, he genuinely enjoyed the holidays. But this one… this year was different.

Maureen’s room was a mess, but he had left it mostly as it had been when she died. The only changes he had made were a couple of her clothes scattered on the floor were moved, and the blanket from the bed was in a nest on the floor. And currently, he was in the nest, slightly teary and also slightly drunk, rubbing the fabric between his fingers.

It was Candlenights eve. It was his first Candlenights without her. And he missed her.

All his goddamn attempts had failed. All of them. His mom would be _ashamed_ of him. Of course she had been a workaholic like him, but he had never seen her at the low he was at right now. He felt defeated at every turn, and there was a leaden weight at the pit of his stomach from the knowledge that once he brought Maureen back- _if_ he ever brought her back- she would either be furious with him at using a Grand Relic, or still raving mad.

Or both.

He needed another drink.

No. No. He needed to get back to work. When he stood, the room lagged behind him a little bit, and he thought muzzily ‘maybe I’m more drunk than I thought.’ His stone of farspeech- hadn’t he left that in the lab? Why was he still holding it?- tumbled underneath Maureen’s dresser.  Goddamn fucking idiot clumsy stupid-

He laid back down on the floor and swept underneath the dresser with his arm.

 

He thought he was okay. He thought he was getting better. In that trancelike concentration of his work he had tuned out the rest of the world, had forgotten even what he was working towards, and his whole mind was electricity and wires and moving parts; until his gaze passed over the calendar on the wall and somewhere in the back of his mind, behind all the diodes, had registered the thought ‘Huh, tomorrow’s Candlenights.’

And then the void in the room of his mother had hit him like a speeding train. Again.

 

He pulled several pieces of paper out from beneath the dresser before he found the stone of farspeech, which he had of course brought with him out of habit because what if someone in the lab needed to contact him? What if his mom- no. He looked at the pieces of paper.

They were… pictures. A bunch of little pieces of photographs, ripped into disconnected fragments of an arm, a smile, a knee, a lock of hair. This one goes here, and that one… looks like it matches up to that one, and so then…

He sat back on his knees in front of the scattered bits.

His mind… couldn’t fathom what he was seeing. It couldn’t wrap around the information.

It was his mom, and… and… someone? Else? Someone he recognized and someone he knew very very well, but then if he couldn’t bring to mind their name, even though he knew their name, was one of the few people who did and how did he know that why does he know that, why couldn’t he attach it to this face, did he really know them well? Candid pictures of his mother taken by someone who liked to record things, not necessarily to be in the record, and pictures of them both, his mother laughing and smiling and the… the other person grinning sheepishly. A park at midday and Maureen’s hands in a picnic basket. Maureen’s hands outstretched and holding the camera while the other laughed. The other holds a… butterfly, why did it take him so long to attach the word to the animal? Why couldn’t he, why couldn’t, what was making him not be able to, he knew this person he knows this person who are they why can’t he what’s stopping him

?

It made his head hurt. Something in them also made his heart hurt, though he didn’t know why.

He picked up the fragments and placed them carefully on the top of the dresser. He didn’t look at them.

He had work to do.


	2. Liquid Night Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maureen meets a girl and nearly loses a robot.

Maureen flattened herself against the midday-sun-warmed brick wall of the alley and waited, trying to catch her breath, just in case they had followed her. After a little while she relaxed, and started laughing. She slid down into a sitting position. That, she thought to herself, was one of the most stupid, reckless things she had ever done. She stretched out her legs and closed her eyes, to give her body a chance to calm down after the adrenaline rush. 

Then a finger tapped her shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin. 

An elf with long, curly blond hair was crouching next to her. She scrambled backward, then clutched at her chest and gave a slightly hysterical giggle. "Fuck me," she breathed. "Did you have to do that?" 

"Sorry, my guy." Said the elf. "Not my choice to follow you." 

Maureen looked at him. "Hey, you were in the bar. You came in with... with that other lady, didn't you?" 

He extended a hand, which she took. "Yup. Name's Taako. That's my sister Lup," he jerked his head back in the direction of another elf standing in the entrance to the alley, who Maureen hadn't noticed. "And the moron whose ass you saved is our friend Lucretia." 

"Maureen Miller. Uh... nice to meet you." 

The elf- Taako- helped her up, and she dusted herself off. "I made him follow you," Observed the other elf- Lup- dryly. "That was a pretty whack stunt you pulled back there." 

"Yeah, it was rad as hell! That little metal thing just went for those goons, it was fuckin awesome." Taako grinned. 

Maureen beamed proudly. "Just a small invention I was working on. Not really made for poking at the eyes of threatening randos but hey, whatever works." She stopped, and cursed under her breath. "Damn. It's probably crushed to bits under a table back there." 

A young woman with dark skin and soft bleach-white hair stepped shyly out from behind the wall and into the alleyway, towards Maureen. She extended her hands; in them was a small robot, about the size of a can of peas, with a rotating head covered in several twig-like appendages. Maureen exclaimed joyfully and took it. "You saved him!" 

The woman wrapped her hands around the strap of her bag and smiled softly. "I figured I should... I should uh, do something for you, since you did something for me- uh, a big something. Uh..." She trailed off. 

"Thank you! It means a lot." 

"No problem." She said. 

"My name's Maureen Miller. Nice to meet you." 

"Lucretia. You too." She paused, and laughed self-consciously. "Though, I guess, this isn't the most fortunate of circumstances."

Maureen laughed too. "You're new in town, aren't you? Everybody knows you don't just leave all your gold in plain sight in downtown Neverwinter. Especially not on this side of the city." 

Lucretia flushed a little. "Yeah, I'm not- that's my bad." 

"Uh, if I can say something, that was really cool, what you were doing. Writing in two books at once, it was like, super impressive." 

"Thank you." She looked back at the robot. "If I can... if  _ I _ can say something, uh, that's a beautiful little robot." 

Maureen smiled proudly again. "Aw thanks! Pipebot's just a little experiment I'm working on while I wait for a shipment of stuff for my main project. He's supposed to be able to climb up drainpipes and unclog them, but it's not perfect yet. I came down here to try him out, but he fell and I had to do a quick tune-up. That's why I was in the bar." 

Lucretia listened, interested, and fidgeted with the strap of her bag. "Lucky for me, I guess." She joked tentatively. 

"I guess so!" 

The elf with the short hair cleared her throat. " 'Cretia we should probably start heading back. Davenport'll be worried if we aren't back when we said we would." 

Lucretia looked almost... was that disappointment? "Yeah, yeah, you're right." 

Lup laughed. "Usually you're the one hustling us to get back in time! How the tables turn, y'know what I mean?" 

Lucretia looked back at Maureen. As she turned, her eyes caught the light, just for a second, and Maureen saw that they weren't black, like she had thought. They were actually a very dark blue, almost imperceptible, but the sunlight had turned them just for a moment into liquid night sky. "Thank you," said the girl with the moonlight eyes. "I... It was nice to talk with you." 

Maureen shook herself back to the conversation. "Oh, yeah it was nice to talk with you too!"

Lucretia hesitated and seemed to be struggling with something, then reached into her bag quickly, as though trying to finish the action before she lost her nerve, and ripped a small slip of paper off of a sheet from one of her notebooks. She took the pen from behind her ear and scribbled something on it, then shoved it into Maureen's hands. "Thank you for saving me from those guys." She mumbled, then hastily followed the elves out of the alley and into the unfiltered 3 pm sunlight. Maureen watched her dress swish in the wind, and then she turned the corner and was gone. 

Maureen opened the snip of paper. Written on it in neat, spindly handwriting was '56924.59.CKS'. A frequency for a stone of farspeech. 

Maureen stared at it for a good thirty seconds, looked back up to where Lucretia had exited the alley, back down to the slip of paper. She mouthed ' _what the fuck???_ ' and then ' _HOLY FUCK!!!???_ ' at it. 

She didn't get any work done for the rest of the day, when she made her way back to her lab. Nighttime ocean-blue eyes kept interrupting her thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love them
> 
> Explanation of what went down in the bar, in case its a bit confusing: Lucretia sat in the corner writing and left all her gold in plain sight on the table while Taako and Lup were busy stealing people's shoes at the pool table (because the fact that they do that at every bar they go to is the best bit of canon trivia about them oh man). Two rough guys came up to her and tried to take her gold and threatened her, Maureen saw, sic'ed her Pipebot on them, and hauled ass. 
> 
> IDK how often this will update, but I'll try and post the chapters pretty soon after I finish writing and editing them!


	3. Willing To Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maureen makes suggestions, and Lucretia doesn't know how to accept them. Lucretia makes a suggestion, and it might be exactly what Maureen needs.

"And this," said Maureen, spreading her arms wide, "is the main laboratory!" 

It had been two weeks since Lucretia had met Maureen Miller, and three days since their... outing. Thing. Maureen had called her on her stone and asked if she wanted to meet up again, maybe in a slightly safer part of town, and Lucretia had panicked and said "I'm fine how are you" instead of "yes I would love to go see that movie with you, nice pretty lady who saved my stupid unobservant ass the last time we met". Maureen had laughed, said "I'm fine as well. So, uh... how's about it?" and Lucretia had stumblingly agreed. 

The movie was nice, the company nicer. Maureen had offered to walk her home afterwards, and Lucretia hadn't known how to explain that her house was a) not really a house, and b) somewhere in the forest outside of the city, so she'd had Maureen drop her off at a subway station and waited for her to turn the corner before actually heading back. That conversation could wait till... another day. 

Three days later Maureen had called again, saying that she was in the city again picking up pieces for her experiments and would Lucretia like to meet her for lunch or something? And Lucretia had tried to say "yes absolutely I enjoy spending time with you" but it had come out "It's- it's a bit late for lunch isn't it?" instead, and she had kicked frustratedly at her bunk as Maureen conceded that yes, it was after midday, but she just wondered if Lucretia's schedule was open or something... 

They had eaten at a nice sandwich place in midtown, and Maureen had talked the whole way through about the experiments and her project and what she had picked up and what it did, and Lucretia had been intrigued and also forcibly reminded of the last time Barry had proposed a long-term experiment to the group, and had tried her best to follow. 

And now they were standing in a fairly large room, sunlight streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and Maureen was spinning happily around it and pointing at various bits of machinery that whirred, blinked, buzzed faintly, or dripped a thick, opaque green liquid. 

Lucretia watched an orange and black butterfly in a green terrarium flap its wings lazily on a branch. Maureen walked around the laboratory, placing objects from the shopping bag at different work stations and talking as she went. "It's a bit messy at the moment, uh, I don't get so many visitors," she smiled sheepishly at Lucretia and tapped absentmindedly at a metal tube with her fingernail. "The project I've been working on has been pretty frustrating, so I haven't really had the spoons to do a proper cleaning." 

"It's amazing," Lucretia said quietly, and it really was. She watched the dust mites swirl around in the early spring sunlight. 

Maureen smiled wide and looked down at the tiled floor. "Thanks." Then she ran a hand through her hair. "Hey, you wanna know something cool about that butterfly?" 

"Sure." Maureen walked over and opened the terrarium. The butterfly hopped easily onto her open palm and she held it out to Lucretia. "This is Marie. She's a sort of guinea pig, I guess, for my latest pet project. Hah, pet," she chuckled. "Cause she's a butterfly, like an animal pet?" 

Lucretia reached out and just barely brushed the edge of Marie's wing. "Hi Marie." 

"I've got big plans for this little bug, here," Maureen said. "Tomorrow, she's, uh..." she bit her lip. "For the experiment, I have to take a bit of her DNA. I wanted to.. to start small, at first, but the problem is, the smaller the animal, the harder it is to get a significant amount." 

Lucretia realized what she was implying. "Oh. Oh..." She stroked the butterfly's wing again. 

"But, uh, anyway," Maureen said rapidly, waving her free hand, "after I get the DNA, that goes into this device over here." She placed the butterfly back in the terrarium and closed it, then lead Lucretia around to a workable on the other side of the room. 

The box she pulled the fabric cover off of was about the size of a microwave oven, made of a shiny silver metal, and filled with the same green liquid Lucretia had seen earlier. On the side of the box was another, smaller box, out of which several wires spouted. 

"Guess what it does," grinned Maureen. 

Lucretia leaned down and squinted into the green goo. Inside the box, on the top, she saw, was a contraption that looked like a needle suspended point-down on a circular track that ran around the top edge. "It, looks..." Lucretia searched for where she had seen something similar before. It came to her. "It looks like a 3-D printer." 

Maureen grinned even wider. "Yeah! That's it!" 

Suddenly, Lucretia understood what Maureen had been talking about at lunch. "You're going to clone the butterfly." 

"Yeeup." Maureen bounced on the balls of her feet. "I actually already have." 

"That's incredible!" 

"Yeah, well," Maureen pushed her hand through her hair again. "It's not perfect. I haven't, uh... worked out all the kinks yet." 

Lucretia stood back up, and realized she was smiling too. "What... what are the kinks?" 

Maureen looked away. "They turn out... wrong. Uh. Dead." She became suddenly frustrated. "I've looked at everything and I just can't figure it out. Everything gets cloned perfectly, except for the bit that makes them get up and start... the bit that makes them  _alive_." 

Lucretia thought about it for a minute. The silence was filled with the gentle buzzing and beeping of the machinery scattered around the room. 

"I know..." Words came so easily when she was writing them down, but when she actually had to speak them they got jumbled up and came out wrong. "It's kind of... not what cloning is, and I... I don't know... I'm not sure how DNA works, I mean I know what it is but... the specifics are... I don't know the specifics."

Maureen listened, closely, politely, and curiously. "What if you... took a bit, just a... just a little bit of DNA from another butterfly, and I, uh... just kinda... mixed them? In the thing, uh, I don't know what I'm talking about-" She turned away and started to walk out, but Maureen reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"No, Lucy, wait!" Lucy? "I uh," her smile said there might be some credibility to that, why not give it a try? "I haven't thought of that, but... we can try. We can try!" She spun around to the center of the room. "That might do something! It wouldn't be a perfect clone, but maybe... if it was like a child, a child of the two, just barely... wow!" Lucretia stood, shocked and just slightly blushing. 

"That- you-" she stopped trying to find the words. 

But somehow, Maureen understood what she had tried to say. "Yeah, I think it might work! Or it might do something that would lead us to the right path." 

"L- Lucy?" 

She looked vaguely panicked. "Oh, did I- sorry, I didn't mean to-" 

"No, no!" Lucretia protested. "It's... my friends call me that, sometimes. I... I like it. Y- you can, uh, call me that. If you want to." She added, hastily. 

Maureen glowed, relieved. "Thank you, Lucretia. Lucy. I'm... gosh, I can't wait to start!" 

Lucretia wasn't a scientist. She was a biographer. An author. She was better at writing words than speaking them, or sometimes even understanding them. Usually people who talk as much as Maureen did made her uneasy, and to a certain extent that was true. In the face of these strange creatures she usually tried to be as quiet as possible, but with Maureen... it was odd and new, but nice, to find someone who was willing to listen when she did speak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not proofread this before I posted it so sorry if the grammar or pacing is a bit off lol. How are you liking it so far? Can you tell where it's going? Thanks so much for reading!


	4. The Last Casualty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's wrong here.

The moon base was finished on the second day of the new year. Maureen, its creator, piloted it into the sky. 

There had been panic, and lots of freaking out over little details, but Lucas had told Lucretia beforehand that he knew everything was going to go perfect, because it was mommy, of course, who had built it, and when she built something it worked! And she had smiled. Lucas was going to be just like her, when he grew up. 

At that moment Maureen was vibrating with nerves and rapidly listing to herself as she and Lucas sprinted through the base to the helm all the things that could go wrong, all the things that she should have looked at earlier, all the things that she should have spent more time on- but there _was_ no time. The hunger had arrived, the relics were waging war below them, and it was now or never. Lucas held tightly to her hand and tried to keep up. As they turned a corner in another deserted hallway- everyone else was already in their seats, to make sure no one fell or was injured when the ship took its place in the sky- Maureen ran full speed into another blue-clad figure, carrying a large stack of papers. All three tumbled downwards and the papers went flying. 

Lucretia scrambled to her knees and began frantically gathering the papers back into a stack. Lucas grabbed one to hand to her, but as he glanced at what was written on it, he stopped. “[STATIC], this has [STATIC] [STATIC] on it, can I read it? What’s it about?” 

Lucretia scuttled to her feet and stuttered something, too quietly for them to hear. 

“Can I see that, Lucas?” Maureen asked, her voice suddenly very low and very serious. He handed it to her.

As she read it her expression changed, from nervousness and excitement and worry to a blank mask, roiling underneath with unidentified pain. 

“Lucy,” she said slowly, “what is this?” 

Lucas looked back at Lucretia. She was crying. “[STATIC]?” 

“It’s okay [STATIC].” Lucretia whispered. “Go get to your seat, okay?” 

Alarm and confusion were muddling his thinking, but he knew something was very, very wrong. He planted his feet and glared at the two grownups with the kind of weight of world knowledge specific to nine year olds, and tried not to cry as well. “Is something wrong with the ship?” 

“No sweetie,” Said Maureen, and her voice was unreadable. “Go to your seat.” 

“No!” 

Lucretia looked down at [STATIC] [STATIC], into the two [STATIC] [STATIC] eyes [STATIC] [STATIC] [STATIC] [STATIC] [STATIC], so full of concern and determination, and burst into sobs. 

“[STATIC]?” 

“Lucy, I don’t understand!” Maureen yelled. She sifted through the papers. “I thought we said we wouldn’t have to do this!” 

“Mau- Maureen-” 

“You said you wouldn’t have to do it! You said you  _ couldn’t _ do it! Lucretia-” her breath hitched. Lucas stared up at her, panicked. 

“Mommy, what’s going on?” 

“I di- didn’t want to, it’s- it’s the only way-” 

“The only way to what? What were you going to do, knock me out and steal my [STATIC] [STATIC]? Tear up all our [STATIC] [STATIC]?” Lucretia couldn’t stop crying. 

“Maureen I- I told you why I have- I have t- to do it, it’s the only way, t- to keep you all- to keep you safe-” 

“ _ Why did you say you weren’t, then _ ?” Maureen screamed. 

Someone shouted her name down the corridor. They needed her at the helm. 

Lucretia looked back at her. She was trembling. “Mau- Ma- Maureen I- I d- I can’t- I-” 

Maureen raised the papers above her head, and for the first time in his life, Lucas was scared of his mother. 

She threw them down before Lucretia’s feet. 

Then, very slowly and very, very carefully, she took off her [STATIC] [STATIC] and held it clenched in her fist. Lucretia stared at her. 

“Mommy?” 

Maureen’s hand was shaking as she took Lucretia’s and carefully placed the [STATIC] [STATIC] [STATIC] in her palm. 

“M- Maureen.” She whispered. 

“[STATIC][STATIC][STATIC]” 

“[STATIC][STATIC][STATIC][STATIC]” 

The ship tilted suddenly, and Lucas grabbed onto Lucretia’s arm. “[STATIC]!? Mommy!!?” 

Lucretia knelt down quickly and steadied him. She tried avoiding his eyes, but he placed his hand on her cheek and pushed her head towards his. He could feel her shaking. 

“We have to go!” Maureen shouted, steadying herself against the wall. “Lucas, quickly!”

“I’m so sorry, [STATIC].” She whispered. 

The moon base gave another great jolt and Maureen grabbed Lucas, pulling him away from Lucretia. 

“[STATIC], [STATIC] no!” He wriggled in Maureen’s arms as she ran around the corner, towards the helm. “Why isn’t [STATIC] coming with us? What’s going ON!?” He demanded. 

Maureen didn’t answer. 

Back in the hallway, Lucretia stumbled back onto the floor and watched as Maureen and Lucas, [STATIC] [STATIC], rounded the corner. She scrabbled around for the papers, sheets torn from the journals she had crafted so lovingly, and stood shakily. Then she bolted. 

She felt the moon base right itself and continue rising into the night sky. Her feet pounded unsteadily on the cold metal flooring. The hallways were empty now; everyone must be already in their seats. 

Into her office, through the security mechanism, into the room with the glowing blue canister and no windows to the world below. This is where Lucretia was when all her friends, save Davenport, who was helping Maureen, used their relics to throw the hunger back from this world. 

The moon base was finished on the second day of the new year. Maureen, its creator, piloted it into the sky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mystery is brewing?? What could it be? 
> 
> Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, I've been swamped with schoolwork and had no motivation to write lol. I hope you're all liking it so far. Thanks so much for reading!


	5. use me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maureen finds something very important she should never have found, and does something very stupid she should never have done.

The store was poorly lit, and dusty, but the shopkeeper of the store she usually went to said they didn't have any of the type of wire she needed in stock. The heating on the Moon Base had gone down just after Lucas' 13th birthday, and Maureen had discovered that the special arcana-infused wires she had used to transfer the heat were no longer carried in most stores. She could make her own, sure, but she had a lot to do to keep the Base functioning, and this was easier. She sneezed. Gods, when was the last time this place had been cleaned? 

Lucas. The surprise had gone well, considering Maureen was a terrible liar. Of course he had known about the party, but the fact that she had fixed his latest robot after it had shorted out had been a complete surprise. Some of the programming on HodgePodge was a bit... questionable, perhaps. But he was so proud of it. And it really was some good programming, he had just been a little careless with the welding. 

She could see herself in him. More than she had ever expected. He had her hair, her skin, her foolhardiness and recklessness and bravery. 

She sneezed again. 

At the very back of the store, beside a shelf full of multicolored gems and rocks, she found three large coils of copper colored wire that were shimmering yellow in a strange way. As she placed them in the shopping bag they felt much lighter than they looked, and she sent a quick thank you to the entire pantheon that she wouldn't have to make her own after all (she would learn to make it later; she wanted to find out exactly how it worked, and there was probably a way to improve it). 

As Maureen turned to leave the back aisle and pay, a stone at the back of the pile caught her gaze and held it, tightly. It seemed to be a normal, water-smoothed river rock, but as she watched she noticed there was a sort of... light, undulating inside it. It hypnotized her. 

A voice inside her head screamed that she should turn away, that this stone was obviously powerfully magical, but another, louder voice in her head said, in a voice that was not her own, 

**Maureen Miller use me**

**Maureen Miller use me turn the world**

**To gold to diamonds**

**Whatever your heart desires use me**

The wires in the basket clinked and rattled as her hands shook. She knew what this was. The Director had told her when she had been inoculated. 

**Use me** it said. 

No, said Maureen. 

**Use me I will help you**

I don't want your help. I don't need your help. 

The rock glowed just that much brighter, and some part of her wondered idly if she was the only one who could see the light within it. 

**You have a mystery** said the rock. 

A... I have a what? 

**A mystery. Use me I will help you**

I... I have no mystery, I don't- I don't know what you're talking about. 

**Your son your family a long part of your life taken from you**

Lucas? My... _what about Lucas_? 

**Fix your memory use me**

What... what do you mean... fix my memory?

**Your project your special project I could help you could help your memory**

What the fuck is wrong with my memory, what the _fuck_ are you _talking_ _about_

**But you _know_**

Panic came from nowhere and gripped at her, and that small part of her at the back of her mind piped up again and said, why are you panicking? It's lying to you, your life it- there's nothing-

It faltered and sputtered out. 

There _were_ things in her life that she wondered about, bits of her memory that she just... couldn't put her finger on. They slipped out of her thoughts like soap in the bath, and then were lost beneath the bubbles. 

Whenever she got ahold of even the fact that there was something wrong, her emotions took over. Bright, pure fear washed over her, like a smell so linked to a memory that whenever she caught a whiff, she was transported back to that time. 

It terrified her. 

**I can make you a key**

**Make you a key for the life you haven't unlocked**

**Maureen Miller use me finish your project use me Maureen Miller**

_**Use me** _

Her body felt like a puppet, but what was controlling her she could never find out. She could never be sure if it really was her decision. 

When she touched the rock it felt like 100 volts were being shot through her, but she felt it from a million miles away. 

Then she smoothed her hair back down and stared, unseeing, at the Grand Relic in her hand. 

Maureen Miller payed, went home, and dreamed strange dreams of children, and science, and darkness,

and light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* maureen that was a really bad thing to do  
> I fuckin banged out this chapter and a couple more after it, so the next few chapter updates should be pretty close to daily! I hope you're liking it so far.


	6. Crush Criteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia needs some advice. Barry is very much in love.

"Barry?" 

"Mhm." 

"How did... uh. Can I ask you some advice?" 

Barry rolled onto his back on the floor of what served as the Starblaster's common room, where he, Lucretia, and Merle had been playing fantasy-scrabble until Merle had conceded defeat and headed to bed. Lucretia had been very much in the lead, but Barry had used a couple of long scientific terms that had put their scores pretty close. A fire was slowly burning to embers in the hearth next to them. "Yeah, go for it." 

Lucretia hesitated, then flopped her face into the carpet. She made a little groaning noise from beneath the fibers. 

Barry rolled back over and poked her forehead. "You okay, journal keeper?" 

Lucretia brought her head up enough to sigh, and then back down. "I'm fine. I'm just... I don't know." 

"Penny for your thoughts." 

"...Barry?" 

"Yeah?" 

"How did you and Lup... get together?" 

She saw his eyes widen conspiratorially, but he didn't push anything. "Well, we, uh... we just kinda grew together, y'know?" 

"No." 

Barry chuckled, and stared off into the distance. Lucretia watched as his features softened, like they always did when he thought about Lup. "I had a moment, one day, where I just had this thought. I thought, hey, uh... what if I liked Lup? Would that be crazy or what? And then I looked over at her..." He smiled at no one. "We were in the med bay. After she and Taako pulled that stunt with the tablecloth and the stairs and we had to make sure they didn't give themselves double concussions, remember that? And I was leaning against the wall and I thought... what if... I was in love with Lup? And I looked over at her and she was... she was sitting on the couch next to Taako and kinda smiling, and she looked over at me and caught my eye and... something kinda connected. And I thought, oh man, oh man, maybe I do like her. And... and now we're dating? And it's wonderful. And amazing. And I like... I can't believe she actually likes me, y'know? And like… don't tell anyone this, but I think I love her."  

Lucretia laughed at her friend’s nervous and happy expression. "Barry you're a sap, did you know that?" 

Barry grinned embarrassedly. "Lup tells me that like five times a day." 

They laid in a comfortable thinking silence for awhile, the only sounds the crackling fire and the distant hum of the motor. Lucretia's mind wandered back to a certain someone, and she decided to take the plunge. "...Barry?" 

"Yeeup." 

"...What did you think of Maureen Miller?" 

"Uh... she was the scientist lady who visited us... two weeks ago? I thought she was nice." Lucretia stared at the ceiling. "...Is there something you want to tell me, 'Cretia?" 

She giggled weakly. "Barry, I have never in my life had a crush before. I don't know the... the  _ criteria _ . How do you know if it's real? How are you supposed to act? I don't..." She exhaled and sat up. "I just don't know what to do, really." 

Barry sat up too, and looked at her hard. It was something Lucretia saw him do often, when he was examining a specimen. She almost squirmed. "...Well," he said finally, "tell me about her. How do you feel, when you're around her?" 

Lucretia watched her fingers dig into the carpet. "She's... she's very smart." 

"Mhm." 

"And she's... charming. Funny. She's sweet to me. And to my friends." 

"Mhm." 

"And she makes me feel..." Lucretia dug for the right words. "...bright. Like there's something in my chest that's tight and I want to wrap up around it. And she makes me smile easily, when she says things. And it's easy to talk to her, but it's hard in a different way. I end up just talking, and I don't usually talk a lot to people I'm not close with, you know that. Sometimes I just wanna reach out and grab her hand and hold it really tight." 

She looked up at Barry, who was trying not to grin. "Iiiii don't think you have to worry about if you like her or not. It sounds to me, in my humble, scientific opinion, that you've got it bad, my friend." 

Lucretia made a tight noise and grimaced. "But what do I do?" 

Barry futzed with his hair. "...Listen. Telling somebody your feelings is never easy. And people come with baggage. It's awkward and weird and all that stuff. But I think you should do it." 

"How do you suggest going about that, O Great Relationship Guru?" 

"Hey, I'm just trying to help!" He laughed. Lucretia smiled nervously, then genuinely. 

"...Thanks, Barry." 

"No problem. What friends are for, right?" He got to his knees and started cleaning up the remains of the board game. "It's late. I'm gonna head to bed. You?" 

"I'll just... sit here and think for a while, I think." 

"Ok. Hey," he looked at her. "Don't be scared when you tell her. Even if she doesn't like you back, it's not a big deal. You don't like talking to people, right, but this'll be easier than you think it'll be. Promise. And... best of luck." 

Lucretia gazed at the glowing coals and blinked, watching the afterimage burned onto her retinas. Her mind was far away. "Thank you." She said quietly. "I'm going to... do my best, I think." 

Barry smiled and left the darkening room. Lucretia pulled her arms around her knees and closed her eyes, and let herself dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pry Barry and Lucretia's friendship (at least, their initial friendship; we all know things broke pretty bad between them later lmao) from my cold dead hands


	7. Arcane Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maureen and Lup have a chat. Lup has a crazy idea.

Lup sat idly, with her chair leaned back precariously and her feet up on the table, spinning a small disc of flame between her hands like the world's most dangerous imitation fidget spinner, and staring up at the ceiling. “I would tell you that what you just said is the most wack sciencey shit I’ve ever heard in my life,” she said, “but I’m from a different dimension. So actually that was the coolest sciencey shit I’ve ever heard in my life.” 

Out of all the IPRE members, the twins were probably the lowest on Maureen’s list of approachability, Barry being the highest (just under Lucretia, of course, but she already knew Lucretia so well). However, Barry and Lup spent so much time together that through the past few months, Maureen had come to know Lup quite well, and they had actually become a strange sort of friends. While at first glance Lup was mostly like her brother, a chaotic trickster entity made of all the weird middle school bullies who made inside jokes you didn’t understand and thought that was bullying, Maureen soon learned why Barry, approachable, wide and smiling and pretty upbeat, liked her so much. The one main similarity was the way they thought; logically, with calculating precision and a razor sharp wit. They just used them in different ways. 

Maureen drummed her fingers on the table and leaned back to look out through the door to the kitchen. She could hear Lup’s twin loudly regulating Lucretia’s use of a carving knife. “I know it seems crazy-” 

“You are damn right.” 

Maureen snorted. “I promise it has some basis in fact. It actually works really well, the actual cloning bit. The stuff that comes afterwards is… well. It’s creepy as hell, actually. It’s like, I created this, this thing, this whatever I’m trying to clone, but it’s… dead. It just doesn’t have anything… in there. The brain doesn’t… turn on right. There’s nothing to turn it on.” 

“No soul?” 

“No soul.” Maureen bit her lip. “That’s the problem. I only know science, but that stuff… that’s arcana.” 

“And that’s where our scribe comes in, right?” Lup gestured behind her to the kitchen door, catching the flame just before it flew away, and Maureen had to resist the urge to throw her glass of water over it. “She doesn’t do much but write, I know, but she’s an impressive magic user when she wants to be.” 

“Actually, she’s been a lot of help already. She suggested using two different beings, same species of course, but two different entities. It would resemble more a child that way. It might work.”

“Hm.” Lup was staring back up at the ceiling again, obviously far away and thinking hard. They sat in silence for a little while, and then she ‘hm’d again. “Maureen, you ever tried cloning a human?”

“What?”

“Have you ever tried cloning a human.” 

“Like- like- like growing a clone of myself? No, I haven’t.” 

Lup looked at her strangely. “Your voice cracked.” 

“It did not!” Maureen’s voice was a dead giveaway for lying. 

“You’ve tried!” Lup said, astonished and almost impressed. “Did the whole creepy no-soul thing still happen?” 

“Yes.” Maureen slumped back in her chair and resisted the urge to cover her face with her hair. “And it was the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Like… like seeing your own death.” 

“Yeesh.” 

“Yeah.”

Maureen looked at the elf and saw an odd expression on her face, one she’d never seen before. Lup was visualising something, something she’d rather forget. Maybe a few somethings. Then she shook herself, relit the tiny flame, which had sputtered out, and flicked it up with her finger. She caught it as it fell, balancing it between her thumb and index finger before flicking it to set it back in motion. “Seeing your own death, huh. Fun.” 

There was a cadence to that ‘fun’ that Maureen didn’t want to know the backstory of. 

And yet, she was a scientist. And she was so very curious. “...Why did you ask that?” 

“No reason.” 

“Bullshit.” Maureen suggested. 

Lup sighed. “Yeah, that’s bullshit. You’ve been honest with me, I’ll be honest with you. Maureen, you’re no scholar of the arcane arts, we know that, but do you know what a phylactery is?” 

“I’m uh, guessing you're not talking about tefillin?”

“It’s…” Lup reached her arm back and futzed with the edge of her umbrastaff, hooked on the end of her chair. “It’s a sort of… a something that you can… you can cast a spell to bind your soul to. And so if you- I’m not, this isn’t coming out as neatly as it is in my head- if you die then- I’m trying to say that maybe if you made a clone of yourself, and then just kept it, like, I don’t know, fucking on hand or whatever, and bound a part of your soul to it as, like, a… a  _ physical _ phylactery… you could just… get back in there after you die.” 

Maureen thought about this for a while. “I… I don’t know. I mean… there might be some validity to that, but… then again,” she said, “I’ve never tried.”

Lup laughed awkwardly and got up from her chair. “Let’s hope we never get the chance to test that one out.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact while i was writing this i found out that phylactery is another word for tefillin!  
> another fun fact, this is the first chapter of this fic that i wrote.  
> I hope you're all liking the story so far! We're officially at the halfway mark !!!!


	8. A Grown Man Begging A Teenager For A Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas gets to his last option.

Lucas would be the first one to admit that he hadn't lived a perfect life. Certainly he deserved some of the punishments that fate had dealt him. But never before had he felt so paradoxically  _small_  as now. 

"Spill," said the 14 year old dwarf. 

"I told you already, I can't!" Lucas argued. 

Mavis rolled her eyes and began to draw her hand, resting on the stone of farspeech, back across the table. 

"Look," Lucas burst out, panicked, "please, I- you're just gonna have to trust me on this one. Your grandpa-" 

"My dad." 

"Your- your dad?" 

Mavis glared at him. 

"Your dad," conceded Lucas meekly, "your dad'll understand. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably not, but I mean... a guy can try." 

No response from the dwarf girl. 

Lucas pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Mavis... you would not believe the year I've been having. It was fucking hell trying to track you down. Everyone else these guys have interacted with is either dead or absolutely goddamn insufferable. Some guy who was on a train with them at one point refused to talk about them. He kept spouting shit about 'train names' and bow ties. Honestly, I'm at the end of my rope. Cut me some slack? Please?" 

Mavis sighed. "You are kinda pitiful right now. I mean, you're a grown man begging a teenager for a phone call." 

"Exactly!" Lucas said indignantly. 

The hand picked up the stone of farspeech and paused. "I'm sorry for asking," she said, and her tone said 'no I'm not', "but why are you doing this?" 

Lucas sighed and bit his lip. "I, uh... I have some unfinished business with the- with your dad's boss." 

"And that's all you're going to tell me?" 

The price of this deal was information. "She has... I have some questions for her." His index finger tapped on the table. "I suspect that... that she knows some things about me that I don't. And I'd like to know them." 

Mavis searched his face, and came to a decision. She glanced down at the stone of farspeech. "If I get in trouble for this," she warned him, "you realize you're probably literally dead, right?" 

"Gods, all too well." 

"Okay, just a disclaimer. Also, if Merle can't get you into his job's... headquarters? Then you're sunk." 

"Don't remind me." 

Mavis tossed him the stone. "Then go nuts," she said. "But Merle's not usually one for pulling asses out of the fire. He's usually the one who puts them there." 

Lucas barked out an uncomfortable laugh, vividly reminded of the last time he was warned about his fiery ass. "Thanks Mavis." 

"Just call him." 

"Fine!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhoooOOOOO its been a while. sorry about that


	9. Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before a very special day, Lucretia has a lot on her mind.

The room was dark, but Lucretia's eyes had adjusted long ago. If she turned her head, she could see the rings of faux flowers for the ceremony tomorrow hanging on the door, the cicada that was buzzing loudly outside their window in the summer night heat, the discarded bow tie on the floor after Lucas had tried and failed to tie it by himself; she didn't look at any of these things. She stared at the ceiling. Her mind whirred. She couldn't sleep, and it probably wasn't just because of the cicada. 

Beside her, Maureen made a small noise and shifted farther into the blankets. Lucretia sometimes thought she could sleep through the end of the world, and she knew firsthand how noisy that could be. But no thoughts of that now, no thoughts of that now. Lucretia smiled softly and wonderingly at the sleeping scientist. How did her life get to this? 

A hundred different planets absorbed by the darkness flashed through her mind, and she pressed her palms into her eyes. 

Hiding the Relics wouldn't do anything. Separating them, maybe, but just for a while. She didn't trust that the Hunger would stay away, after they'd beaten it back once. And that was assuming they could even make them, really, like Barry had said they could. Would they be able to? Channels of such unimaginable, awful, immediate power... what would happen if they were to be found? In the wrong hands they could destroy the entire planet, and the Hunger would have an easy in, and it would be game over all over again, and it was their fault... 

The bed shifted and creaked as Maureen put her arms around her. Lucretia realized she was sitting, hunched over with her arms around her knees. "You alright Lucy?" Maureen asked quietly. 

Lucretia leaned into the hug. "Fine. Just... thinking about some things." 

"Wedding jitters?"

"No," she smiled. "I... I wish it was as simple as that, though."

Maureen's face grew grave, but she said nothing. They sat and breathed together for a while, and then she said, "It's really late. You should get some sleep." 

"...I love you, Maureen." 

"I love you too."

"...Darling?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm excited for tomorrow." 

"Me too." 

"But I'm... scared for after that." 

"...Me too, Lucy." 

A thought struck her like a bell and she kissed her, once, softly. It was a horrible thought. 

How many more times would she get to do that? 

No thoughts of that now, no thoughts of that now. 

Heh. 

Lucretia Miller. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lucretia is so gay happy pride month


	10. Whatever Happens, Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Maureen make a big, big mistake. 
> 
> Trigger warning for death on this one, up close.

Lucas was thinking. His hands were polishing a smooth, perfect disc of pink tourmaline, but his mind was far away. Maureen was behind him, checking on the hydraulic joints that would move the gemstone discs into place to form the finished cosmascope. He could see himself in the polished surface.  
"Hey, mom?"  
Maureen didn't turn around. "Yeah sweetie?"  
"How long have you had the philosophers stone?"  
He heard his mother stop moving, just for a second, then continue. They had a policy, as scientists and as family, that they weren't going to lie to each other. So he waited.  
The answer came low and exact. "Eight years."  
"Eight- eight years!?"  
"It took me a while to figure out how to use it."  
Lucas took in this information. "That's- that's-" he cleared his throat. They were so close. "I just wanted to know." And he went back to polishing the disc.  
Maureen put a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and she hugged him, tight. "I love you, Lucas."  
"Love you too mom."  
"I'm sorry."  
He took a deep breath. "Don't be."  
She smiled at him, then turned to look at their finished creation. "It's hard to believe we've really done it," she breathed.  
"You did most of it."  
"Oh, come on," Maureen turned back and ruffled his hair. She had to reach up to do this; he was taller than her now, but she had always been a bit short. "Without you, I would never have been able to get the discs into perfect circles, and we know how important that is. Every part of a scientific endeavor is an important part, remember that, Lucas."  
He shrugged.  
"Alright then," she said, and hugged him again. He was suddenly very nervous.  
"Mom, wait-" he pushed out of the hug and stared her in the face worriedly. "What if- what if it's not ready? What if something... something goes wrong?" he finished lamely.  
Maureen put a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting. It was slightly diminished by the fact that Lucas could feel her shaking, ever so slightly. She was just as scared as he was. "Whatever happens, happens." She said, and he echoed it.  
"Whatever happens, happens."  
His mother kissed him on the forehead and tapped his nose with her index finger ("Mom I'm eighteen, not three," he would have protested, in a different situation). Then she stepped into the middle of the circle and snapped on her goggles.  
Lucas put on his own goggles, waited for her signal...  
...and pulled the lever.  
The plane of sheer, pink tourmaline slid into place like a door, hiding her from sight, and then the circle of circles began to spin around her, faster and faster and faster, until it was just a blur of different flashing colors. Lucas could hear his blood pumping, and he was sweating, but he took a deep, difficult breath and counted the seconds to thirty. Then he grabbed the handle of the second lever and pulled as hard as he could.  
The crystal circles had been mounted at 45 degree angles to the side, but now they snapped straight, and a bright beam of light bounced between them, centering on where Maureen was standing, in the middle of the contraption, and the rest of the room went dark, and Lucas felt a strong shock static its way out from the center and into his bones and through his nerves and his hands were frozen on the lever and he realized with shock and horror that his mother, from inside the cosmascope, was screaming.  
He wrenched himself into motion and pushed the kill switch.  
Lucas sank over the levers, soaked in sweat, shaking. The cosmascope swirled to a stop and the sheet of pink tourmaline slid back open with a thunk. The screaming had stopped.  
"M-" he swallowed hard and tried again. "Mom?"  
He couldn't see Maureen from where he was, so he pushed himself carefully into a standing position and very, very cautiously, began to approach the cosmascope.  
"Mom?"  
In the center of the machine, Maureen lay in a heap. Her knees were curled up, and her arms were wrapped over her head, almost as though shielding herself from something. And she was... twitching, slightly. Her breath came in short, uneven and very audible gasps, like she was trying to say something but couldn't get ahold of herself enough to do so.  
Lucas felt his heart drop into his stomach. His mind filled with the cold, removed buzzing of complete and utter fear.  
"Mom?" She didn't respond, just continued to twitch on the cold metallic floor. He took a step towards her, then another step, then another, until he was standing over her.  
He knelt down and just barely brushed his fingers on her shoulder.  
Maureen leapt upwards and screeched and Lucas tumbled backwards, but not fast enough to escape her hands, scrabbling in the air like claws- she scraped hard at his face and fell hard on top of him, still twitching, gasping words he could not understand in a high, frightened voice, but she suddenly seemed unable to move. Her hair had come loose from the ponytail and as Lucas scrambled out from underneath her, he saw a bright rivulet of blood trickle out of her right ear.  
Lucas Miller was no medic, but he knew what that meant, and it felt like a knife made of ice.  
"Mom?" His voice shook, and he reached out again and touched her. This time, she didn't respond.  
"Mom? Mom!? Mom- mom please-" he begged hysterically, but she didn't move. She didn't respond at all.  
Lucas reached out and held his mother's limp form in his arms. "Please," he whispered.  
But Maureen was gone.  
He sat on the cold floor of their lab in the sky, for a very long time, and sobbed for the life of his mother.


	11. The Honors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas. Or, what would become Lucas, as every child becomes what they become later in life.

It was three in the morning. Lucretia was about half asleep (maybe three-quarters, if she was being honest) when Maureen tapped her on the shoulder. Then when she didn't come to her senses quick enough, Maureen kissed her, fast and hard, and that woke her up pretty good. 

"Mmbuh?" Lucretia mumbled, taking off her reading glasses (she had fallen asleep researching. Again). 

Maureen sparkled. "It's time." 

"It's- it's- holy shit," Lucretia nearly fell off her chair when she realized what Maureen meant. "Holy- holy shit holy  _shit_ "

"Shhh calm down!" Maureen giggled excitedly and kissed her again. "Come on!" 

The two ran down the hall of the unfinished Moon Base- not technically a moon base yet, since it was still on the ground- Maureen's bare feet keeping time with the pounding of her heart. They rounded the corner giggling like schoolgirls, all nervousness and excitement, until they came to Maureen's laboratory. And in the center of the room... 

There was a baby in the tank. 

A baby, like, like a real life, actual human being baby made of their DNA holy shit, in the cloning tank. 

The baby was about three years old (though in reality it had only taken a couple months). Maureen said that she wanted to make sure that all the systems were in place to make sure the child could grow, so she'd let it uh, incubate? For a longer period of time. Lucretia didn't care. The baby was  _there_. And it was  _theirs_. 

Maureen looked into her eyes. "You do the honors," said Lucretia. 

So Maureen took a deep breath and very, very carefully, opened the machine and reached in. 

Her heart gave a great leap of relief and joy as the child in the tank reacted to her touch. 

The baby looked exactly like Maureen, down to the last dark little curl on her head, and she opened her eyes and blinked a couple times at the light. 

"Oh," said Maureen, and presented her finger. The child grabbed it and put it in her mouth. Maureen looked up at Lucretia, and her eyes were filled with tears. "Lucy," she said. "I'm a mom." 

"You're gonna be a damn good one too," said Lucretia, overcome with emotion. Maureen shushed her, laughing. 

"Hey, language! There's a child present!" Then she began to laugh harder, and she looked down at the tiny her in her arms and blinked hard to clear her eyes. "Do... do you want to hold her?" 

Lucretia nodded and held out her hands. Maureen placed the child in them as though she were the most fragile and precious thing on the planet. The baby looked up at Lucretia and her eyes caught the light, just for a second, turning them a deep, midnight blue. Lucretia's breath hitched. 

"Maureen..." she bit her lip. "She has my eyes." 

"What?" 

"She has my eyes, look!" 

And sure enough. 

The child, bored with the proceedings but happy in Lucretia's arms, grabbed a stray bit of Lucretia's hair in her small fist and went to sleep. 

Lucretia held the child close and breathed, just for a minute. Then she looked at Maureen, who was about to overflow. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"Gods, I love you too," Maureen answered happily. And she embraced her; Lucretia, and her child with the dark Miller hair and the deep blue eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaAAAAAA


	12. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maureen and Lucretia. Lucretia and Maureen.

This planet was, thought Lucretia, probably one of the most beautiful planets they’d ever been on. And the very pretty woman next to her was  _ definitely _ not swaying her judgement. 

Okay, so maybe she was. But it really was a gorgeous day. Maureen had suggested that they take a break from their respective schedules to relax a little, and Lucretia had agreed wholeheartedly. Tensions between the crew members of the Starblaster had lately grown so strained that the air itself turned brittle whenever two different members occupied the same room. 

The sky was a blue so rich and pure that Lucretia felt like if she plunged her hand into it, it would pool around her fingers in feather-soft grains of sand. It stretched above her, and Maureen, and the park, and the entire city, like a vast blanket. A cool breeze ruffled her hair. The world smelled of spring. 

Maureen spread the yellow blanket out in the shade of an old oak tree and kneeled down, gingerly placing the small box-shaped thing she was carrying beside her. It was covered with a white hand towel. Lucretia flopped down next to her, careful not to crush her new camera- a gift from Davenport- and rolled over so that her nose was touching the ground. The grass smelled fresh and earthy through the slight mothball smell of the blanket. 

“Thank you for bringing me out here,” she said, shifting to her side so she could face Maureen. “It’s really lovely out.” 

“No problem! I mean, thank you for coming with me.” She shook a stray lock of dark hair out of her face. 

Lucretia looked up at the sky. “Y’know,” she wondered out loud, “I’ve been to a lot of places. A lot of different worlds. Different realities. And this one is one of my favorites.” She smiled wistfully. “I think because it’s so much like home.” 

Maureen looked down at her. Lucretia’s hair was spilled out around her head in long, tight curls, and her expression was far away. “What was your home like?” She asked, curiously, but gently. 

Lucretia closed her eyes, and when she reopened them, she was no longer seeing the Neverwinter sky. “It was hotter than here,” she said softly. “At least where I lived. There was only a thin ring around the planet where it was habitable, because it’s tidally locked. Two suns. One side is always burning hot, and the other is always freezing cold. I never experienced real seasons until I left.” 

“It sounds…” Maureen searched for the right words. “...very different.” 

Lucretia laughed lightly. “It really isn’t. Apart from that, it’s very much like here. Grass, buildings,” she lifted her arm and waved it in the air. “People. It’s- it  _ was _ … so much like here.” Her arm fell back to her side. “...And the sky was purple.” 

“Purple?” 

She nodded. “Lilac.” 

The breeze swished in the branches of the tree. 

“It’s funny,” she said, almost inaudibly, “all these years… and it’s still hard to believe that’s all gone.” 

Lucretia closed her eyes again and took a deep breath of the warm, dewy air of Faerun. 

“You miss it.” Said Maureen. 

“Yeah.” 

She felt Maureen’s hand brush her cheek and opened her eyes. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.” 

“No, you- don’t be.” 

She sat back up, her face swinging very close to Maureen’s. “Did- is- what’s that?” She said, keen to change the subject, and pointed at the towel-covered box. Maureen grinned and bounced a little on her crossed legs. She placed the box in her lap and leaned forward conspiratorially. 

“Okay, Lucy,” Maureen whispered, “are you ready to see something very, very cool?”

“Depends,” Lucretia waggled her eyebrows and blushed very red. No matter how many times she practiced flirting into a mirror she couldn’t seem to stop doing that. 

Maureen laughed. “On what? Never mind, never mind. Look.”

Underneath the hand towel was a small wire-mesh container, inside of which was a couple of leaves and a stick. Airing its wings lazily on the stick was an orange and black butterfly. Maureen held it up. “Lucretia, I want you to meet Marie II.” 

Lucretia’s eyes widened. “You mean-” 

“It worked!” Maureen beamed. 

She opened a tiny hatch on the front of the container and let the butterfly crawl daintily onto her palm, then pulled it out gently into the open air. Lucretia, ever the chronicler, couldn’t resist snapping a photograph of Maureen’s wondrous expression. She looked up at the click of the shutter and laughed, then posed for another one. “Okay, okay, here-” 

She took Lucretia’s hand and carefully deposited the butterfly into it. “I mixed in the smallest amount of DNA from another butterfly I could possibly get, and even that tiny, tiny, teeny tiny bit worked.” Maureen marveled. “Marie II is pretty nearly a perfect clone. It’s amazing. I- I needed to show you. And to thank you! It was your idea, after all.” 

Lucretia looked up at her, beaming, and carefully stood up. The butterfly tested the air gingerly from her outstretched finger, and then caught the breeze and floated off. She watched it go with wonder. Maureen stood too, and took her hand. 

The two faced each other in the afternoon’s glowing warmth. “I have… I had an idea,” Maureen said slowly, slightly distracted by the way the light glinted off Lucretia’s dark blue eyes. “It’s a crazy idea. And I would need your help.” 

Lucretia smiled hopefully. “What is it?” 

“I was… I was talking to Lup… about the times when I’ve… when I’ve cloned myself, and it didn’t work, remember when I told you about that?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, I- uh- this is, this may be a weird request…” 

Lucretia hesitantly reached out a hand and touched Maureen’s cheek. She looked back at her. “I…” she thought for a second. “I think I understand… but… I don’t know if… would that work? Do you think?” 

“I think it would. We’ve proven it with Marie and Marie II, along with some other tests I’ve done, and they all seem to work, no matter what the species.” 

“This is… don’t- don’t get me wrong, Maureen, I am totally willing to help you, but it just seems so…” 

Maureen sighed. “So nuts, I know.” 

Sunlight dappled her face. The air smelled of spring. 

“You’ve said something nuts,” Lucretia said slowly, “so now I think it’s my turn to say something nuts.” 

Maureen stared back at her. “Y- yeah?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

 

The answer was, of course, yes. To both questions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I have a confession to make. 
> 
> I necked up bad. This was supposed to be chapter fuckin 8. 
> 
> I guess it works here too though ??? Thank the lord this fic is non-linear.


	13. The Last Casualty, or: The First Casualty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah. Alright. That explains it.

The moon base was finished on the second day of the new year. Maureen, its creator, piloted it into the sky. 

There had been panic, and lots of freaking out over little details, but Lucas had told Lucretia beforehand that he knew everything was going to go perfect, because it was mommy, of course, who had built it, and when she built something it worked! And she had smiled. Lucas was going to be just like her, when he grew up. 

At that moment Maureen was vibrating with nerves and rapidly listing to herself as she and Lucas sprinted through the base to the helm all the things that could go wrong, all the things that she should have looked at earlier, all the things that she should have spent more time on- but there  _ was _ no time. The hunger had arrived, the relics were waging war below them, and it was now or never. Lucas held tightly to her hand and tried to keep up. As they turned a corner in another deserted hallway- everyone else was already in their seats, to make sure no one fell or was injured when the ship took its place in the sky- Maureen ran full speed into another blue-clad figure, carrying a large stack of papers. All three tumbled downwards and the papers went flying. 

Lucretia scrambled to her knees and began frantically gathering the papers back into a stack. Lucas grabbed one to hand to her, but as he glanced at what was written on it, he stopped. “Mama, this has my name on it, can I read it? What’s it about?” 

Lucretia scuttled to her feet and stuttered something, too quietly for them to hear. 

“Can I see that, Lucas?” Maureen asked, her voice suddenly very low and very serious. He handed it to her.

As she read it her expression changed, from nervousness and excitement and worry to a blank mask, roiling underneath with unidentified pain. 

“Lucy,” she said slowly, “what is this?” 

Lucas looked back at Lucretia. She was crying. “Mama?” 

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Lucretia whispered. “Go get to your seat, okay?” 

Alarm and confusion were muddling his thinking, but he knew something was very, very wrong. He planted his feet and glared at the two grownups with the kind of weight of world knowledge specific to nine year olds, and tried not to cry as well. “Is something wrong with the ship?” 

“No sweetie,” Said Maureen, and her voice was unreadable. “Go to your seat.” 

“No!” 

Lucretia looked down at her son, into the two dark blue eyes that perfectly matched her own, so full of concern and determination, and burst into sobs. 

“Mama?” 

“Lucy, I don’t understand!” Maureen yelled. She sifted through the papers. “I thought we said we wouldn’t have to do this!” 

“Mau- Maureen-” 

“You said you wouldn’t have to do it! You said you  _ couldn’t _ do it! Lucretia-” her breath hitched. Lucas stared up at her, panicked. 

“Mommy, what’s going on?” 

“I di- didn’t want to, it’s- it’s the only way-” 

“The only way to what? What were you going to do, knock me out and steal my wedding ring? Tear up all our family photos?” Lucretia couldn’t stop crying. 

“Maureen I- I told you why I have- I have t- to do it, it’s the only way, t- to keep you all- to keep you safe-” 

“ _ Why did you say you weren’t, then? _ ” Maureen screamed. 

Someone shouted her name down the corridor. They needed her at the helm. 

Lucretia looked back at her. She was trembling. “Mau- Ma- Maureen I- I d- I can’t- I-” 

Maureen raised the papers above her head, and for the first time in his life, Lucas was scared of his mother. 

She threw them down before Lucretia’s feet. 

Then, very slowly and very, very carefully, she took off her wedding ring and held it clenched in her fist. Lucretia stared at her. 

“Mommy?” 

Maureen’s hand was shaking as she took Lucretia’s and carefully placed the little gold band in her palm. 

“M- Maureen.” She whispered. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

The ship tilted suddenly, and Lucas grabbed onto Lucretia’s arm. “Mama!? Mommy!!?” 

Lucretia knelt down quickly and steadied him. She tried avoiding his eyes, but he placed his hand on her cheek and pushed her head towards his. He could feel her shaking. 

“We have to go!” Maureen shouted, steadying herself against the wall. “Lucas, quickly!”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” She whispered. 

The moon base gave another great jolt and Maureen grabbed Lucas, pulling him away from Lucretia. 

“Mama, mama no!” He wriggled in Maureen’s arms as she ran around the corner, towards the helm. “Why isn’t mama coming with us? What’s going ON!?” He demanded. 

Maureen didn’t answer. 

Back in the hallway, Lucretia stumbled back onto the floor and watched as Maureen and Lucas, her Lucas, rounded the corner. She scrabbled around for the papers, sheets torn from the journals she had crafted so lovingly, and stood shakily. Then she bolted. 

She felt the moon base right itself and continue rising into the night sky. Her feet pounded unsteadily on the cold metal flooring. The hallways were empty now; everyone must be already in their seats. 

Into her office, through the security mechanism, into the room with the glowing blue canister and no windows to the world below. This is where Lucretia was when all her friends, save Davenport, who was helping Maureen, used their relics to throw the hunger back from this world. 

The moon base was finished on the second day of the new year. Maureen, its creator, piloted it into the sky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOO OOOOOO I've been sitting on this one for so long y'all s o l o n g also im crying


	14. Dark Blue Eyes To Dark Blue Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia and Lucas have a long-overdue chat.

"I want to know how you got up here. Actually, I want to know how you're still alive. Magnus assured me that you had, uh... shuffled off to buffalo, if I may say." She really was being quite calm, for this situation. She would have made a great actress. If it wasn't for... all that. 

Lucas was standing as tall as he could muster in front of Lucretia's desk in her office. It was just after midnight. Lucky she was an insomniac, or she wouldn't have caught him. 

"They let me go. I promised to be good." 

"But... you're still here." Lucretia rested the tips of her fingers together and gave Lucas the Director Stare. "Why," she asked measuredly, each word heavier than she expected, "are you here?" 

Something inside Lucas that had been pulled tight for too long finally snapped. "Oh for fuck's SAKE!"

He gesticulated violently. "You don't think I've put two and two together?" he demanded angrily. "I know you did something to my memories. Just..." He sounded so tired as he finished the sentence that Lucretia knew he was being sincere. "Just fix whatever it is, and I'll leave you alone for good. I... I can't take not knowing. It's gonna drive me insane." 

Silence for a long while. 

Lucretia got up, walked over to the side of the room, and opened the hidden door to her secret chambers. "Follow me," she said, and her voice was unreadable. 

 

At this point, Lucretia was breaking. 

Lucas drank the voidfish ichor. 

His past hit him like a speeding train. 

Lucretia ran forward to catch him as his knees buckled, but he didn't pass out, as she had expected, and she suddenly had to repress a sob because that was definitely from her; Maureen used to cry at a paper cut. 

Lucas slipped through his mother's arms and curled up on the cold floor. He clutched at his face and realized with horror that he was crying. Lucretia kneeled down helplessly and touched his arm, and when he didn't pull away she held him close and he leaned into her arms, whispering frantically, inaudibly; they sat together for what seemed like a very long time on the floor of the Moon Base that Maureen had built for her wife, and Lucretia smoothed his hair and whispered back, "I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay..." 

And she began, painfully, to explain. 

"L- Lucas... baby... I- I don't know how to start, but- your mom and I... we explained it to you, when you were... really little, about eight, I think... do you remember?" A stupid question, she thought. Of course he remembers, now. It was her fault he's forgotten in the first place-

Lucas clenched his teeth. "I... I mean, I do now. You..." Remembering was so easy, now that the memories were  _there_ , but he still had to work through a blockade of fear to get to them. "No, Mom. I asked Mom about... that  _was_  when I eight, cause that's when I asked her about... I said something about 'why am I a girl' or something and." 

"She completely misunderstood," Lucretia chuckled at the memory. "She was standing there very... very calmly explaining the details about cloning and you were listening, and I walked in and I was like, oh, hold on, Maureen. And," she laughed again and wiped her eye. "I- I said something like, 'I don't think that's what the question was actually about,' and you nodded like this," she bobbed her head exaggeratedly, all the way up and all the way down, like a little child. 

Lucas stared into the memory. "I remember being really interested in the actual process, though. I asked her again later and she explained it all to me. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. God... I'd forgotten." He looked back at Lucretia. "You... you made me forget." 

He pulled away and stood up. "L- Lucas-" Lucretia stuttered, but he turned away and rammed his hands angrily through his hair. "I- I can't- I can't say I didn't- I would be mad too, if I were you-" 

He whipped back around. "You're damn right I'm mad!" He yelled. "I can't- you can't expect me to just go on and blindly trust you again, mama, I need time!" And Lucretia, who had been starting to get up, slipped down again when he called her 'mama', but he didn't seem to notice he had said anything and rambled on, "I want- you're going to tell me- tell me if what I know is right. And you're not going to lie. You took... you took over half of my life from me, and- and turned it into static. Nothing but static. I deserve to get that back." He stared coldly down at her, but his voice broke as he said, "You owe me that." 

"Yes," she whispered. Then she took a deep breath and stood back up. The Director. "Shoot." 

"You and my mom were married." 

"Correct." 

"I am a cloning experiment." 

"Yes." 

"I have both of your genetics. Which uh... which I guess makes me your son." 

Her voice cracked a little. "That's right." 

"Why did you make me forget?" 

"I..." she spoke in slow, measured sentences. "There was a war. It was to keep you safe." 

"Did you know that my mom had found a relic?" 

"No. No, I had... I had no idea." 

Lucas took a deep breath. "Did you erase mom's memories as well?" 

"I didn't want to." Lucretia said. "But. Yes. I did. Again, I, I had to. She knew about it, she knew what I was going to do, she agreed to it. She was mad, but..." she stared off into the memory. "She knew the stakes. She wanted to keep you safe." 

"Fuck," Lucas whispered, and Lucretia noticed with alarm that there were tears trickling down his cheeks. "G- gods, I- shit." He wiped angrily at his eyes. "I remember that bit now. With the papers... when the base first lifted off...  _fuck_."

Lucas raised his head and looked straight at Lucretia. Dark blue eyes to dark blue eyes. 

"What am I going to do now?" He whispered. 

Lucretia swallowed. "I don't know, baby," she confessed. "We'll figure something out. In the end... I guess it's up to you." She laughed, suddenly, through all the emotions. "Whatever happens, happens." 

A favorite of Maureen's. Lucas felt her there. "Whatever happens, happens." He echoed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS ITS DONE THE FIC IS FINISHED!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!!!   
> I'm really really so happy at how well received this fic was, especially seeing as I haven't really written a lot before and this was my first attempt at writing a story this complicated. As always, constructive criticism is super appreciated, as are just like, any comments at all lmao. I know I haven't responded to everybody's comments but I promise you it's just because I'm not good at communicating, I've read all of them and I love u. I hope you've enjoyed it and this last chapter !!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanxxxxx
> 
> (I am so glad this fic is done this took for ev er................but dont get me wrong im still proud of it *heelys out*)
> 
> \- Shoshana :)

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my cousin, who has never listened to TAZ but let me read her a chapter of this anyway and pronounced it pretty good. 
> 
> Most chapters of this probably won't be very long. 
> 
> Please comment your thoughts below! I'd love to hear them. (Please. Please do that.)


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